Nothing takes the romance out of a relationship quite like having a baby! Whether or not you are prepared for it or desirous of it, the toll of having a new-born is multidimensional. Aside the fact that being pregnant and enduring labour does things to a woman's self-image and sex-drive, their arrival will attack your savings, as well as any kind of pre-established normality or routine of your life. The effect of these changes can be more significant for a newlywed couple, who are still bonding, building a new life together and trying to establish a routine.
Personally, I have loved EVERY minute of being pregnant and every second since I held my baby in my arms. I do not regret him for a moment. He’s God’s treasure to me and a blessing in my marriage. However, some blessings require work and faith for them to have the impact they were given for. Like when Jesus blessed Peter to overflowing with abundant fish that threatened to break his net! If we are not careful, we will mishandle our blessings, and the enemy will seize the opportunity to take our blessing away…
One of the ways I have observed this in my life is in respect to joggling the needs of my husband and the needs of my baby. The temptation, and the tendency after having a baby, is to be consumed with looking after your baby! This is normal because babies DEMAND and deserve your attention. And when you’re a new mother, you are anxious about being a ‘good mother’, and keeping on top of everything you’re supposed to be doing (according to so many advisers, well-meaning, informed or not)! So what happened? Well, I found that I was more irritable, because I was BUSY. I became less attentive and affectionate with my husband, because I was looking to him to make all the efforts in regards to that, since I was ‘justifiably’ engrossed with caring for HIS baby!
So you might suspect that bitterness was beginning to set in. I found that I would spend whole days sulking at my husband, choosing to be miserable because one way or the other, my expectations weren’t being met. Then the devil started his ministry of accusation and doubt! “Does he really love you?” “If you’re unhappy now, how long will this last?” “Is he really the one? Maybe you made the wrong decision saying I do!”
“Wait a minute, you lying DEVIL!” my Spirit rebuked! If you are not attuned to the Spirit, these thoughts will become feelings, which will result in a change of behaviour negatively, which will lead to the manifestation of the outcome you feared. By recognising the source of these thoughts, I was able to bring them to captivity, to submission to Christ! (2 Cor 10:5). “Every good and perfect gift is from the Lord” (James 1:17). “God will not give you more than you can take…” (1 Cor 10:13). “Love one another, as I have loved you!” (John 13:34).
Praying through it, I realised that happiness is a CHOICE, the same as unhappiness. I had a million and one reasons to be content and joyful, but the enemy kept trying to pick holes in my life. He only had the power, because I gave him that power through my sins of grumbling, selfishness, pride and lust. It reminds me of Paul’s admonition not to let the enemy get a foothold (Eph 4:27). That little discontent is like a hole in a big ship! No matter the size, it will SINK!
So how did I get my groove back? After taking it to God, and asking for His help, I realised that I had a choice. I needed to seize the opportunity to do what I did in the beginning when the passion was hot. And there were many opportunities, only that when we are blinded by sin, we tend to only see obstacles and make excuses. So one day, I seized the opportunity.
My husband was playing an online game of Scrabble, while carrying our baby, and I had just eaten and was reading a post on my WordPress Reader. The Spirit awakened me to the fact that we were both available, but intentionally ‘busy’. So I went to him and started taking off his t-shirt. He asked me what I was doing, and I said “nothing”. After I removed it, I gave him a really good snog! He chuckled and asked “what about the baby?” to which I replied, “he’s not going anywhere!”
And that was when it really hit me… We can’t wait for him to grow up to continue our marriage. He walked in on the marriage, and he’ll walk out on the marriage too! So we strapped him to his chair, and turned him to face the television. We made our way to the bed, and well…the rest is history!