Nothing takes the romance out of a relationship quite like having a baby! Whether or not you are prepared for it or desirous of it, the toll of having a new-born is multidimensional. Aside the fact that being pregnant and enduring labour does things to a woman's self-image and sex-drive, their arrival will attack your savings, as well as any kind of pre-established normality or routine of your life. The effect of these changes can be more significant for a newlywed couple, who are still bonding, building a new life together and trying to establish a routine.
Personally, I have loved EVERY minute of being pregnant and every second since I held my baby in my arms. I do not regret him for a moment. He’s God’s treasure to me and a blessing in my marriage. However, some blessings require work and faith for them to have the impact they were given for. Like when Jesus blessed Peter to overflowing with abundant fish that threatened to break his net! If we are not careful, we will mishandle our blessings, and the enemy will seize the opportunity to take our blessing away…
One of the ways I have observed this in my life is in respect to joggling the needs of my husband and the needs of my baby. The temptation, and the tendency after having a baby, is to be consumed with looking after your baby! This is normal because babies DEMAND and deserve your attention. And when you’re a new mother, you are anxious about being a ‘good mother’, and keeping on top of everything you’re supposed to be doing (according to so many advisers, well-meaning, informed or not)! So what happened? Well, I found that I was more irritable, because I was BUSY. I became less attentive and affectionate with my husband, because I was looking to him to make all the efforts in regards to that, since I was ‘justifiably’ engrossed with caring for HIS baby!
So you might suspect that bitterness was beginning to set in. I found that I would spend whole days sulking at my husband, choosing to be miserable because one way or the other, my expectations weren’t being met. Then the devil started his ministry of accusation and doubt! “Does he really love you?” “If you’re unhappy now, how long will this last?” “Is he really the one? Maybe you made the wrong decision saying I do!”
“Wait a minute, you lying DEVIL!” my Spirit rebuked! If you are not attuned to the Spirit, these thoughts will become feelings, which will result in a change of behaviour negatively, which will lead to the manifestation of the outcome you feared. By recognising the source of these thoughts, I was able to bring them to captivity, to submission to Christ! (2 Cor 10:5). “Every good and perfect gift is from the Lord” (James 1:17). “God will not give you more than you can take…” (1 Cor 10:13). “Love one another, as I have loved you!” (John 13:34).
Praying through it, I realised that happiness is a CHOICE, the same as unhappiness. I had a million and one reasons to be content and joyful, but the enemy kept trying to pick holes in my life. He only had the power, because I gave him that power through my sins of grumbling, selfishness, pride and lust. It reminds me of Paul’s admonition not to let the enemy get a foothold (Eph 4:27). That little discontent is like a hole in a big ship! No matter the size, it will SINK!
So how did I get my groove back? After taking it to God, and asking for His help, I realised that I had a choice. I needed to seize the opportunity to do what I did in the beginning when the passion was hot. And there were many opportunities, only that when we are blinded by sin, we tend to only see obstacles and make excuses. So one day, I seized the opportunity.
My husband was playing an online game of Scrabble, while carrying our baby, and I had just eaten and was reading a post on my WordPress Reader. The Spirit awakened me to the fact that we were both available, but intentionally ‘busy’. So I went to him and started taking off his t-shirt. He asked me what I was doing, and I said “nothing”. After I removed it, I gave him a really good snog! He chuckled and asked “what about the baby?” to which I replied, “he’s not going anywhere!”
And that was when it really hit me… We can’t wait for him to grow up to continue our marriage. He walked in on the marriage, and he’ll walk out on the marriage too! So we strapped him to his chair, and turned him to face the television. We made our way to the bed, and well…the rest is history!
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I literally roared out in laughter after I read this! This is a language I totally understand, and in my case too, there were times it went the other way round, maybe because I have a very charming girl, and my hubby would always stare with at her with so much admiration and then that horrible thought of my body change and whether I was still appealing to him crept in. Truth is that dealing with it by praying and really opening up about how we felt (then I also noticed he too thought I wasn’t giving him enough attention) handled a lot. We most times banish her to my sister’s room since she’s with us sometimes and get on with this marriage.
I mostly tell her, you are part of the family and not the marriage cos we made the vows t ourselves and you weren’t there.
Well done on this great piece.View Comment
Loved your contribution dear!!! You’re in the marriage together, but she’s in the family 🙂View Comment
Rated RRRRRR for Romance….i’m still laughing.View Comment
I can’t say much cos I dont have a baby yet but I can definitely see how things can come in the way of the marriage….and you need to make the move. Even without the baby, I can sometimes start to think and ask myself why he doesn’t make all the moves all the time and then I remember that its a 2-way street this marriage thing and that means taking the bull by the horns when you need to, and if that’s taking the shirt off, finding a sitter, having an eat-out day etc, them so be it. One vow I made was to make my marriage what I want it to be and so everyday I try to remind myself to do just that!!! May God help us all!
Oh Ejay! Fantastic contribution. We really have to make the effort. Sometimes I think they wonder about us. Toju was starting to look at me funny and even asked “who are you?” because I wasn’t my usual self. We often need to reassure them that they’ll still No 1, after God of course. Now, he’s so cuddly and affectionate, I know he was desperate for me to snap out of it!View Comment
lol…im sure he was….Plus remeber that he wouldnt know how you would feel about him initiating since you may be tired or stuff….View Comment
ei yah…pls go on girl….get that groove.
Well Ufuoma if I had a baby to blame all would be good, I could claim it was the bubs fault but many things take away romantic love which is important but perhaps at Ron and my age is shown in different ways …….. yes I laughed, I had this mental flash of me seductively trying to open Ron’s buttons one by one, he doesn’t wear t-shirts, while he sits patiently trying to finish the minutes from his last Neighbourhood Watch meeting but wondering if it was time for me to do the washing.
God’s Love which is steady and firm can’t be diminished even when not returned and this we are to aim for as the Scriptures below and others confirm.
1John 4:17-19 Herein is our Love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in Love; but perfect Love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in Love. We Love Him, because He first Loved us.
Hebrews 6:1 Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God,
2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.
2 Corinthians 13:11 Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in Peace; and the God of Love and Peace shall be with you.
Christian Love in our Unity in Christ Jesus – Anne.View Comment
Thanks for your contribution, Anne.View Comment
“So you might suspect that bitterness was beginning to set in. I found that I would spend whole days sulking at my husband, choosing to be miserable because one way or the other, my expectations weren’t being met. Then the devil started his ministry of accusation and doubt!”
It’s definitely easy to lose yourself with such thoughts, so it’s great reading that you took notice to the whispers, seeking to bring doubt into your relationship. Many don’t notice until it’s too late and before you know it, they are ending the relationship, unaware of the reasons why.View Comment
Thanks One Gentleman! Hopefully others will be warned and more aware.View Comment
Reblogged this on Liv4Christ4ever and commented:View Comment
I stumbled upon this some time back. I thought it was extremely insightful. I wanted to read some of her other posts just to make sure we had a similiar motivation. Great Post Ufuomaee!
Well done!!!! Great post! Love, love, Love it!!! Well done hun! Definitely sharing!!View Comment
Thanks so much!!! Am glad :0View Comment
I love this!!!!!! See me giggling here. hehehe. It ministered to me o. And I’m glad I’ve gotten this tip from your blog so that when time comes, I”ll be like you and strap baby to a chair. hahaha.
“We can’t wait for him to grow up to continue our marriage. He walked in on the marriage, and he’ll walk out on the marriage too” Hmmn true talk.
It’s funny I read something similar recently where a woman talked about how things change when the kids come and if one isn’t careful, it could start coming apart and you’ll keep getting angry or bitter or make excuses as you mentioned here.View Comment
I’m so glad you took it to God. Even God doesn’t want good relationships to crumble. Ever rooting for us, for those who care enough to take it to Him in prayer.
Much love dear. xo!
Thanks Itunu 🙂 It’s a lesson we have to keep learning over and over… We have to keep reminding ourselves that God cares enough to listen and to help. It’s so easy to feel hopeless about things improving, but thank God for never forsaking us.
I appreciate your contribution!View Comment
It’s Itunu with a ‘u’ by the way. wink wink* looolView Comment
My bad! Correction will be made pronto!View Comment
Am not married but this is a great piece that is needed by every married woman and young mothersView Comment
Thanks Agboola 🙂View Comment