I've recently woken up from a deep sleep, and a near fatal fall. I was in the Lord's palace, adorned as a princess of the Most High, able to come in and out of His presence as I chose...but my heart was wicked. I did not value the riches of His Kingdom, and took His love for granted. I traded my royal garments for a place in the world. Attracted by the lights, the pleasures of sin and the lies of the enemy, I forsook my cross.
I don't know how long I was asleep for, but in the Lord's palace, I was missed. He did not give up on me, nor withdraw the search party. His presence followed me, and kept me safe. His counsel came when I sought it, and He let me know I was still loved. Because my heart was hard, I refused to see that I was hurting Him. I told myself that I was just having fun, that I can't be so serious and religious all the time, and soon, I'll go back and resume my duties. But the time passed, and I soon forgot who I was, or to Whom I belonged.
In His mercy, the Lord sent me a message...that my life was in danger - that I was failing in my assignment. That shook me up, and I stirred in my sleep briefly. It was significant enough to shift the direction of my dream... From this Heavenly blast, I decided to pursue my passion for the less privileged, and not let myself be hindered by my fear. But like Martha, I immensed myself in this work (Luke 10:41-42), but still kept my distance from the Lord, lest I become overly 'righteous'.
You know, I've been there before... My initial zeal for the Lord set me alight with an uncontrollable fire. I wanted to save the world for Him, and gave all, but my body to be burned, to follow after Him. But somehow, in my zeal, I took a wrong turn, and was led astray. My loving heart became filled with bitterness and judgment against my brethren, and the light within me became darkness. Despite my increased knowledge of His word, I did not have His heart in me; I did not abide in His love, and couldn't bear fruit. So, after that awful episode, I feared the passion within, and desired a 'safe' Christianity. I became mediocre.
But then, His love broke through into my dream. I didn't know His surgeons were over my comatose body. I didn't know the many hours they laboured over me. I soon began to respond to His touch, I could sense His presence again. Little by little, I began to hear His instruction, and follow His direction. I started to proclaim in my dream what the Father was telling me. As I ministered, health filled my body...and I came to! I remembered who I was, I remembered my mission, I remembered my Father.
I woke up joyful, but remorseful. I almost died. I almost slipped away. I threw it all away for brief moments of pleasure that left no satisfaction, nor trace of joy. What a cheap trade, to choose the world and lose my life source (Luke 9:25)! I never want to be so stupid again. Seeing the Father again, and looking at my wretched state, I couldn't help but cry. I didn't deserve His love; not the first time, and not now - after I rubbed His name in the mud! What amazing love He has shown to me, time and time again.
Now I know I can do nothing without Jesus. He said, 'no one comes to Me unless the Father calls him' (John 6:44), and that I did not choose Him, but He chose me (John 15:16). Still He says that I cannot bear any fruit unless I abide in Him, and in His love (John 15:4; 9), by denying myself every single day from now on (Luke 9:23). So, I have picked up my cross again. It is not too hard to bear (Matt 11:28-30), because I always remember that apart from Christ, I can do nothing (John 15:5), but with Him, I can do all things (Phil 4:13). Lord, I don't want to fall away from You again! Better death than that.
If this sounds like your experience with the Father, this message is for you. It is not too late to cry for Him to help, to wake you up and create in you a clean heart again (Psa 51:10). He is on standby waiting for your call, and He promises to forgive all, holding nothing against you (Mic 7:18-19). You don't know if you have tomorrow. He has been merciful so far, but soon the end will come, and then judgment (Heb 9:27). So He says, "today, if you hear My voice, don't harden your heart" (Heb 3:15). Come back to the Father.
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