God Told Me You Are Not The One

Ufuoma E-AshogbonPosted by

There was a guy I dated before I met my husband.  He was not the kind of guy I usually went for.  Usually, I date guys around my age, but he was almost ten years older.  He wasn't very handsome, but good looking enough.  He was also someone that was introduced to me, like a set up.

We got on well from the get go.  At that point, I wasn't feeling too picky about a lot of things, only that the man must be Christian and respect my views on celibacy.  We didn't have a problem.

I opened myself to the relationship, and we got to know each other.  He even supported my Charity, which of course, was not up for discussion 🙂  However, I could sense there was something controlling about him.  He knew exactly what he wanted for his future, and for his wife, and from the way he talked, my charity work had no place in our future together.  He was pushing for me to explore something else that wasn't really my passion.  That was the first red flag.

Regardless, I fell for him.  Big.  I really liked him, because I respected him and I admired him, and I saw that my life would be relatively easy with him.  He was a simple guy, who seemed to enjoy the simple things in life.  Not too flashy.  Responsible.  Self-made.  He ticked a lot of boxes.

But one day, I got a stray thought that he wasn't the one.  I questioned it.  What I got back was that God had someone better for me.  It made me sad.  I didn't want to believe it.  I was TIRED of looking for Mr Right, and this one was close to perfect.  Why Lord?  Why?

We continued the relationship, and I doubted that I had heard anything from God.  Things seemed to be getting better.  I was really happy.

Then one day, we had a fight.  In fact, it had been brewing for a while, cos I was trying to keep the peace.  But I eventually told him how I felt, and he didn't care.  He wasn't about to change to make me happy.  He didn't comfort nor try to appease me.  He was too proud for that.

Days went by and he never called.  Nor texted.  I was the one who called him more than a week later, and all he could say for himself was he had challenges with work!  You would think I would have given up.

I was heartbroken and kept a torch for him for many months.  I kept keeping the lines open, but he didn't seem to care.  He would apologise whenever I called and promise to call and visit and so on...  But he wasn't changing.

Eventually, I had to admit that he was a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend, and pick up my heart and move on.  That was the day I got a second confirmation that he was not the one.

Something weird happened that someone might chalk up to a coincidence.  It had happened to me only once before.  You know when you drop something, and you can't find it?  You just dropped it, and it has disappeared.  You search everywhere, and you don't find it.  Then one random day like this, you find it.  Usually, it is in a most obscure place.  Like the time I found my watch in my woolly winter slipper that I wore everyday!  A watch I had misplaced weeks ago.  And I lived alone.  I still don't know how that happened.

Well, this time, it was a single piece of white paper I brought out to write something.  I dropped it, and I couldn't find it for weeks.  I dropped it in my room, which was swept often enough.

On the morning of July 1st 2012, it appeared, smack in the middle of my room.  It was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes!  I had made the decision the night before to let him be in the past, and I took that as confirmation that I should start on a fresh new page.

I never wrote on that piece of paper.  It is hidden in my journal as a reminder of God's mysterious ways.

The reason I am sharing this today is to help others who are in relationships seeking a life partner, who may have received a word from God but ignored it.  Don't ignore it.  Pray and fast and ask for a confirmation, if you must, but don't ignore it.  I wasted many months emotionally invested in a relationship that was already doomed!  Trust God when He says He has something better for you and LIVE BY FAITH.

We must be attentive to the Spirit, and we will save ourselves a whole lot of heart ache.  I hope that someone is encouraged by this message.

Photo credit: www.boardofwisdom.com

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34 comments

  1. …And guess what? I did really like it, plus it came at the right time (going through some ish as regards matters of the heart…). We get so carried away most times, that we ignore the warning signs.
    Thank you for sharing your own personal experience with us. You are truly God-sent.

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  2. thanks for this sharing this with us and it really came at the right time because am so confused and i dont know whether to back out or not. I will have to pray it about it. Thanks once again

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  3. Ufuo, this post is so apt. We need to listen when God tugs at our hearts telling us ‘No’ or ‘wait’. We also need to learn to stop ignoring the signs we asked Him to show us.

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  4. Wow!!! Just wow!! This God and the way he looks out for his own. I think the only way (if we are truly Christians and allow God lead) we can actually enter into a marriage God isn’t supportive of is when we resist him with all our hearts. Honestly! Because I think he even places some signs and somethings that are glaring at us in the face like?!!! If you choose to enter this thing, you’re going to get hurt.’ Sometimes I believe he just stands in the way and doesn’t make it work though I know He will never force His will upon us. But trust me, when He loves you that much, something will just happen and you’ll be like ah thank God I didn’t settle for less. Sometimes I get tired. Like you I think I almost got tired and I was like ah, wo, I think this person is good enough but deep inside, like you too, I strayed a little. I thought, what if it isn’t. And deep down I just didn’t feel He was the one. There was just something I couldn’t place but I felt there was more if I could trust God and wait.
    And I am glad I did.

    Thank you Ufuomaee. You’re such a darling for sharing this. It’s amazing I can’t see a gazillion comments on this blog or post already. xoxo!!

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  5. u r lucky though, most of my guyz, even though I am convinced they r not the one, and let them know, they will tell me, they r so sure about me. they will stick to me like their lives depends on me. it sucks

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  6. This couldn’t have come at a better time. Presently praying about someone after waiting all this while but still not sure why I am not totally settled. Keep wondering if it is a No or a Wait but all I keep telling God is Lord you know how much I do not want to settle for anything less than your perfect will for my life.
    Just trusting God to help me and to give me signs that I cannot ignore or just speak to me through His Word.
    Thank you Ufuoma, I just stumbled upon your page after reading your book The Church Girl which was an awesome read by the way.
    Connecting with you at this season of my life is a proof of God’s faithfulness and how He keeps His own.
    Gracias

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    1. Thanks Kemi! I’m so glad you found me here and I’m happy to meet you. Keep waiting on God, until He makes His will known. Take your focus away from this request, and just be about your Father’s business. You can’t miss it when you’re engrossed in the Lord! I wish and pray that you won’t settle for less than His best.

      Please drop your review for The Church Girl at http://www.ufuomaee.org/get-the-church-girl

      I’ll be so grateful! God bless you x

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