Please note that this series contains some sexually explicit content, violence and offensive language. It is not appropriate for children nor an immature and sensitive audience.
A SMALL WORLD - SEASON THREE
Copyright © Ufuomaee
Oyinda’s Journal entry, 24th September 2016. 09:56 am.
How Do I Feel Today? Sad.
What Do I Hope To Achieve Today? I need to spend some quality time with my wife.
What Did I Learn Today? Actions have consequences.
How Do I Feel About My Marriage Right Now? We need help.
I need to change, but I don’t know if I can. They say old habits die hard, and I know this will be hard. Not because I don’t love Temi, but because it is what I’ve become used to and it’s too easy to slip back into and cover up. There are just too many women who are ready to be used and even throwing themselves at me. But I’m going to have to try. I just have to try, because I don’t want to lose Temi.
Oyinda closed his diary. He’d decided to return to his room after their session, instead of having breakfast. He’d lost his appetite and really wanted to be alone to process everything.
He had thought he would write more in his journal, but when it came down to it, he couldn’t find the words. The thought that kept coming to his mind was of his beautiful wife in the arms of another man, being had by him, made into his whore, doing things only a slut would do for a man who is not her own. He wished he could get the imagery out of his head, but it both motivated and taunted him. Would he ever look at Temi the same?
Temi got to the dining room and found her friends still sitting, having their breakfast. She waved as she headed to join their table.
“Hey,” Danny greeted, cheerfully. “Where’s Oyinda?”
“He said he isn’t hungry,” Temi answered. She pulled out her chair and sat on it. “How was your session?”
“It was great, thanks,” Danny answered, smiling at his wife.
“Yeah, we learnt about effective communication and building trust. We played a few games too. It was fun. What about you?” Tolu asked.
Temi shrugged. “We were asked to write letters to each other, and then talk about how we felt after that.”
“Oh, interesting…” Lola said.
Temi called to the waiter. While he was on his way, she continued. “Yeah, it was. They also gave us assignment. We are to put ourselves in each other’s shoes for the day… So, I’m supposed to be Oyinda today…” she smiled.
“Nice one,” Bolu said.
The waiter came. “I’ll have the big breakfast, please. With extra sausage…” Temi said. She added, when the waiter had gone, “I’m feeling so good, today… Don’t know why…”
“Hmmm… Not pregnant, are you?” Tolu asked.
Temi laughed. “Yeah, right…”
There was some silence. Lola broke it by saying, “Well, we were also given an assignment.”
“Oh, cool,” Temi muttered. “What?”
“Well, for the class, we had to confess things we have kept hidden or been bottling up to each other, which was…tough,” Lola said, smiling at her husband. “Our assignment is to confess our secret desires to each other and try to satisfy them.”
“Hmmm… Sounds dangerous,” Danny said.
“I know, right? I mean, God forbid if your spouse’s fantasy is to have a three-some! Are you now supposed to entertain such?” Tolu contributed.
Lola swallowed, thinking of Bolu’s confession. She hadn’t thought about that before, but she suddenly wondered if it had crossed his mind. If that would be his desire. “Yeah, God forbid,” she muttered instead.
“Well, I think they need to be healthy, legitimate, though perhaps unconventional or adventurous, desires… Maybe like making love outside or something,” Bolu said. He noticed Lola’s discomfort and put his arm around her.
“Hmmm… Even that is risky. I mean, would it be right for Christians to have sex in public, where they might be seen by others, who may or may not be married?” Danny asked.
“I’d like to think so… I mean, that’s why it’s a fantasy, isn’t it?” Tolu said. “It isn’t something you would do regularly, but spontaneously… And you’d still try to minimise the risk of getting caught. But it’s the risk that makes it exciting.”
“Hmmm…” they all muttered.
“So, have you shared your fantasies yet?” Temi asked.
Lola swallowed. “I haven’t really thought about it… I don’t have any risky ones sha. I guess mine would be a romantic holiday by the ocean.” She giggled. “That’s not really a fantasy, though.”
“It’s your secret desire, so it counts,” Bolu said, kissing her temple.
“And you?” Temi prodded.
“Still thinking… And I do believe there’s an element of secrecy about it, so it’s only my wife I’ll be telling, thank you very much!”
“Touché!” Temi laughed. Danny and Tolu joined in giggles. “So, did the honeymooners get homework too?”
“Yes, but it’s for when we get back home. To spice up our marriage. We are to do something different and spontaneous, every now and then,” Tolu answered.
Temi nodded. She remembered when she was a newlywed, how happy she and Oyinda had been. He had taken her to almost every hotel in Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt and even Dubai, just so that he could boast about having made love to her in every place. They had been so wrapped up in each other…until she got pregnant.
She looked up and smiled at her friends, despite the tears building up in her eyes. Oh, would things ever be the same for her and Oyinda now? Temi shut her eyes and uttered a silent prayer for God to do what seemed impossible to do; revive her marriage.
Soon after Temi’s breakfast came, Danny and Tolu excused themselves, leaving Lola and Bolu with Temi. Sensing that the ladies might prefer to chat privately, Bolu also took his leave. He kissed his wife, before rising from his seat and heading for the door. Temi breathed out a sigh after he left.
“Are you okay, dear?” Lola asked.
Temi sighed again. She wanted to talk, but her emotions were getting the better of her. Her tears broke free from her eyes as she cried silently.
“Oh, Temi,” Lola said, going around the table to hug her friend. “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry.”
Temi sniffled, as she tried to keep the tears at bay. What happened to that good feeling she’d been having earlier? Her feelings were just all over the place. She had been sure that she didn’t want Oyinda back and didn’t have the strength to fight for her marriage. And suddenly, she felt such loss as the prospect of really losing him. Especially if he actually did love her, and she was the one too embittered to forgive.
She knew she was in this situation because she had cheated too. It was not so clear cut anymore. It was muddy and messy, and she could no longer think straight. She felt dirty. Soiled. Unworthy and sorry for not being strong enough to resist temptation.
Temi suddenly lost her appetite for her meal. She pushed her plate aside and looked up at her friend, whose eyes were compassionate. She hoped Lola would understand, as she made her confession. “I’m cheating on Oyinda.”
Temi just nodded.
Temi looked into her friend’s eyes and swallowed. “Michael.”
“Noooo! Temi? Why?!” Lola asked, feeling pained.
“I needed someone, Lola. I can’t explain it. It was that or something crazier. I just needed him.”
“Wait… You said you’re cheating… So, it wasn’t one time? Are you having an affair?!”
Temi nodded. And swallowed. “And I think I love him…”
“Oh, God!” Lola gasped, sitting down from the shock. “You should have come to me… We would have talked about it.”
“I know. That’s why I couldn’t.” Temi let out a breath. “All my life, I tried to be the good girl. And what did I do? I fell for a bad boy…and stupidly married him. And in marriage, I tried to be a good wife. But it wasn’t enough for him. I was so miserable, Lola. Trying to be good and never living. Never being free to do what I wanted to do just to make me happy. I just felt like I got it wrong being good…maybe being good isn’t all it’s cranked up to be.”
“So, what now?” Lola asked, studying her friend. “Are you planning on continuing this way?”
“I asked Oyinda for a divorce,” Temi said. “But he refused and insisted on this retreat to save our marriage. And now… I don’t know what I want.”
“Temi, I’m not going to deny that what Oyinda did or does is awful! I’m not going to deny that it’s painful and hard to forgive. I probably wouldn’t want to consider this, if I were in your shoes, but God’s truth doesn’t change. You have to try to forgive him and heal your marriage. You just have to…”
“I know. I told him the truth last night. He was so hurt, but this morning… He was just something else. He’s so resolved and determined on changing…at least, that’s how it looks. It gave me hope that things could get better.”
“Wow… So, he knows… That thing will be paining him, oh… Not trying to be sexist, but things like this are very hard for men to take. And for him to have forgiven you so quickly, it can only be because he feels responsible for your fall.”
“Yeah… He actually confessed today. In his letter. For cheating. It was a bit of a “by the way” generic admission of guilt, but it’s something. It’s the truth. And now I know I wasn’t crazy. I just don’t know who, what, when, why, how many?! Should I be bothered about that?”
Lola shook her head. “Do you really want to know all that, Temi? It will only make it more painful and harder to forgive. When God forgives us, he doesn’t run a scoresheet first. He just tears up the whole list of our sins. Whether or not there’s one or a hundred. Whether we committed murder or shoplifted. It’s the same forgiveness we receive. I think that’s how you’re going to have to approach this, Temi,” Lola said. “The question you should ask yourself is, what do you want? To make your marriage work or to win a score-keeping competition with your spouse? When you know what you really want, you will know what to do.”
And it was like a light bulb came on in Temi’s mind. She remembered that that was the same thing she’d written in her letter to Oyinda. She’d asked him to find out and admit what he wanted. And to think the solution was just that simple for her too. She could choose. What did she really want? Was it Oyinda or Michael?
Temi’s Journal entry, 24th September 2016. 11:15 am.
How Do I Feel Today? Torn. Sorrowful.
What Do I Hope To Achieve Today? I want to make a decision about what I want for myself.
What Did I Learn Today? That I have to choose, even when the choice isn’t easy. I determine my future by what I choose to fight or settle for.
How Do I Feel About My Marriage Right Now? Hopeful. Oyinda surprised me today.
I really wasn’t expecting much from this retreat, but I feel like I can see things clearer now. My feelings have just been all over the place, if I’m honest. One would think I was pregnant… Oh, shit! I have to take a test!
Lola’s Journal entry, 24th September 2016. 11:07 am.
How Do I Feel Today? I don’t know. I have mixed feelings. I feel sad for my friend. I am also hurt by Bolu’s confession. I can’t say I understand how he’s feeling or what this means for our marriage. I hope he will get over this attraction he says he has for someone else. At least, I know he loves me.
What Do I Hope To Achieve Today? I want to feel happy.
What Did I Learn Today? I married a good man. I mean, he actually decided to take a break from work to avoid temptation. And he told me. He didn’t keep it to himself. Sure, I don’t really know what to do with it, but I understand why he’s been distant and odd lately. I feel we can now move beyond it.
How Do I Feel About My Marriage Right Now? I was lucky. When I think of what others are dealing with in their marriages, I really have much to be thankful for.
Bolu’s Journal entry, 24th September 2016. 10:35 am.
How Do I Feel Today? Happy. I could be happier, but I’m happy. So relieved to share that burden with Lola. I feel safer now that she knows.
What Do I Hope To Achieve Today? I want to spend time with my wife and make her feel special. I also want to get some clarity on what I should do when I get back home.
What Did I Learn Today? A secret will eat you up! It makes things seem worse than they really are. It’s better to be open, especially to those who matter.
How Do I Feel About My Marriage Right Now? Thankful. I love my wife and I know we will be blissfully happy again.
To be continued...
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